Singlehood

August 29, 2014

 

7:33 A.M

 

Tea morning

 

Warwick, U.K.

 

 

Dear Life,

 

 

Starting a new life for myself is something that I thought would be easy simply because my beloved partner and I discussed about my future before he passed away. Both he and I are on the same boat with regards to worrying each other and so he wanted to make sure that I will be set for life. Now that the my future is slowly unfolding before me it seems daunting even if I have prepared myself for it. I suppose to an extent it is like going into battle. You can prepare yourself for months or years but when the day comes that you have to face reality ---FEAR-- strikes and grips you and all you can do is embrace and keep battling on. 

 

So yes, as Fearful as I am now I shall keep battling on.

 

The one thing that terrifies me is going on through life by myself. I certainly found not only love in my partner but more than that I found comfort. Comfort in knowing that we will take care of each other.  That comfort is no longer there. Going through life by myself for now is something that I have to get use to and yes it does take courage.

 

I still feel lucky considering what life has put me through. It is very difficult to count your blessings when you are absolutely heartbroken but I tried and still trying. I am thankful that I am still conscious of everything that is going on around me. That I still can pick up morsels of life messages whispering "I will be alright". Perhaps it is my partner still looking after me.

 

It took me some time to register in my head that I single now. That it is alright to be single. That I can manage to be single. To some or even a lot of people being a single person seems lonesome which I find to be untrue. I have met people who are single, who embraced it, and they are happily content. Yes, I will need to get used to the thought that I am now.....for now. I also need time to grieve and start this chapter of my life properly before I let anyone into my life. I need to take time to bake another cake and when the right person comes along --- he will be the icing on it.

 

I start this new chapter in my life as a single person. A single person facing Life Uncertainties might be daunting but to face it nevertheless is the key in starting all over. Loneliness might come but I need to remind myself that I am never alone in this journey.

 

Savoring Life One day at a Time.

 

 

Love,

M. xxx