30 days

November 5, 2014
10:21 AM
Panglao, Philippines
Cloudy warm day

Dear Life,

I always apologies every time I start letters for you as I SHOULD write more often to you. You might think that I have more time now that Im back home. But apparently if I have that time I should have written more often. Excuses....I know. I do not want you to think that I am taking you for granted and have forgotten about you because I simply have not. 

Anyway, enough of that. YES! It has been a month since I arrived back and WOW! what a a month of positive changes I am in. Perhaps all of these positive changes makes me busy these days which is very good. Im not only looking after guests which I am very lucky and very thankful to have but I also have time to look after myself. 

I am surprising myself on the things that I am doing for myself now. I have been doing more Yoga, improving my diet and walking India longer regularly. India and I are FIT and healthy which is very good. All of these piled up to me studying more about Psychology is keeping me more than preoccupied but also 'evolving' me. Yes I am currently 'evolving' into someone I believe to be a better me.

I really need to write to you more often. It does help me a lot when I do.


Lots of Love,
M. xxxxx

Home, My Sanctuary

Oct. 10, 2014

1:49 PM

Warm Philippines

Dear Life,

I am sitting here relaxed surrounded by the warm tropical heat. It has been a week now since I left England and I am happy to be back home. There are a lot of things that I really did not realise that I would miss so much and now that I am back here it just gives me more appreciation to them. 

The home that my partner had built over looks the sea. The sea has been a constant companion of mine for the past six years and how blesses
d I am to be see her again. Even trivial things that seem annoying before like goats bleeting and the cockerels crowing in the morning makes me realise that I am home, safe and sound. This house is more than just a home. This is my sanctuary. 

Of course, how could I ever forget my best friend India who greeted me with wagging tail and lots of doggy licks. She in a funny inspirs me always stay positive as she always is one happy dog. 

Now that I am back home things in me have changed. The two months that I have spent in England was the time you gave me to close one important chapter in my life and to start a new one too. There is no doubting that to an extent I really did not control my own life freely. Some circumstances demanded me to let go of my freedom. Now, I am making the choice to be wise and savour the freedom that I now have. 

There are so many things that I want to write to you. But I will be patient. For now I just want to say 

Thank you for bringing me home. Thank you for bringing me back to my sanctuary. 

Lots of Love,

Mykee xxxx  

Shopping Galore

Sept. 26, 2014
Friday
Warwick, U.K.

 

Dear Life,

 

Im sitting quite comfortably watching "Murder She Wrote", dont ask- Im not holding the remote. I had a good day of shopping galore a.k.a therapy day. I really did not get anything fancy nor expensive. I bought something that I always wanted to have. I got myself a silver signet ring from an antique shop, a sleeping buddha and Ganesh from am Asian store. Yes I have a hippie side. The other day I got good bargains from the charity shop I volunteer at Leamington, gifts for mama & my trustworthy maid back home and more hippie things because I bought incense sticks.

 

I feel this sense of freedom by doing trivial things like shopping. I barely go shopping for what I want. Why? Well that is another letter to write. Now, Im just happy to have today.

 

Love,
M. Xxx

 

 

Bonjour!

Sept. 22, 2014
9:26 A.M.
Warwick, U. K.
Tea morning


Dear Life,

I have problems with my old laptop which might be one reason why as much as I want to write away I hesitate. A few of my letters wont work namely -- z x c v m , . and enter tab. So I a using onscreen keyboard to type these letters in. Anyway, as long as I still can write but it does take time.

 

Weekend went well, and I challenged myself to get on the train after 8 years of not getting into one. Considering that the only transport that I have in the island I live are jeepneys and taxis and the last train I took was in Singapore 8 years ago when I was there looking for work. I managed train journeys well in Singapore but I suppose everything is new to me here in England to an extent. It would be odd to you on why I am making such a big deal about this train journey but to be honest it is something important to me. I did it and I managed to do it by myself. It gave me confidence that it really doesn't seem bad at all as long as you ask for help as I did when I got to the station. I must admit that I got worried that I might get lost, be on the wrong platform and end up in London!!!

 

Anyway I did ask for help and I made it to the other end.

 

Worrying doesn't help as I already know but sometimes could not help myself especially when I am going into something new and different. That train journey was significant to me because it gave me an assurance that new things are not so daunting and help is always around when I need it.

 

Ending this letter with this article I read on the paper. I hope you will like it as well.

 

Tiny steps that'll transform your life.

 

By the way I have decided to start French lessons last Friday too. I always wanted to learn French and so I am now. C'est magnifique!!

I will write to you soon dear Life.


Love,
M xox

Bad day

Sept. 3, 2014

10:20 P.M

 

Warwick, U.K.

 

 

Dear Life,

 

 

Not a very good day today. I saw his photos and video.

 

Heartbreaking.

 

I miss him very much.

 

It made me drink wine as early as noon. I had 5 glasses today which beyond my limit of a glass a day.

 

Lost and Heart break are torturous. I rather be burned alive.

 

 

 

 

I still Love hIm.

 

 

Mykee xxx

Singlehood

August 29, 2014

 

7:33 A.M

 

Tea morning

 

Warwick, U.K.

 

 

Dear Life,

 

 

Starting a new life for myself is something that I thought would be easy simply because my beloved partner and I discussed about my future before he passed away. Both he and I are on the same boat with regards to worrying each other and so he wanted to make sure that I will be set for life. Now that the my future is slowly unfolding before me it seems daunting even if I have prepared myself for it. I suppose to an extent it is like going into battle. You can prepare yourself for months or years but when the day comes that you have to face reality ---FEAR-- strikes and grips you and all you can do is embrace and keep battling on. 

 

So yes, as Fearful as I am now I shall keep battling on.

 

The one thing that terrifies me is going on through life by myself. I certainly found not only love in my partner but more than that I found comfort. Comfort in knowing that we will take care of each other.  That comfort is no longer there. Going through life by myself for now is something that I have to get use to and yes it does take courage.

 

I still feel lucky considering what life has put me through. It is very difficult to count your blessings when you are absolutely heartbroken but I tried and still trying. I am thankful that I am still conscious of everything that is going on around me. That I still can pick up morsels of life messages whispering "I will be alright". Perhaps it is my partner still looking after me.

 

It took me some time to register in my head that I single now. That it is alright to be single. That I can manage to be single. To some or even a lot of people being a single person seems lonesome which I find to be untrue. I have met people who are single, who embraced it, and they are happily content. Yes, I will need to get used to the thought that I am now.....for now. I also need time to grieve and start this chapter of my life properly before I let anyone into my life. I need to take time to bake another cake and when the right person comes along --- he will be the icing on it.

 

I start this new chapter in my life as a single person. A single person facing Life Uncertainties might be daunting but to face it nevertheless is the key in starting all over. Loneliness might come but I need to remind myself that I am never alone in this journey.

 

Savoring Life One day at a Time.

 

 

Love,

M. xxx